Sweet Tattoo

Ok, seriously people. I was angry when Santa stuck his big, red, flesh-eating butt into Thanksgiving. I was yet more annoyed when Halloween was forced to share the seasonal isle with a holiday yet months away.

But this? IT IS AUGUST, PEOPLE. This is the time for annoyingly perky back-to-school ads which piss of middle schoolers and end-of-summer bonanza sales on grills and shit. And we're talking about the one you put hamburgers on, not the ones on your teeth, Lochte.

What am I ranting about? THIS IS WHAT I AM RANTING ABOUT. Yes, the capslock is necessary. It's a fucking Iron Man ornament in AUGUST. There's not enough Lewis Black-style finger-waving vitriol in the WORLD. I saw this at Longs today at lunch, and it literally stopped me dead in my tracks.